On this blog I write about what inspires me – the stories behind the images that I paint. That inspiration comes from all kinds of sources but at the heart of it all, it comes from my mom. She was the one who inspired me to think creatively in the first place.
I wrote an essay about her once for a college English class. All I can remember of it now is the first line: “With the determination of Scarlett O’Hara making a dress out of the living room drapes, my mother accomplished everything she set out to do and inspired me to do the same.” That pretty much sums up her approach to life and her approach to parenting.
Lena was a force, but in a gentle way, if that makes sense. I used to call her the quiet steamroller because she had a way of getting things done when it wasn’t something she could do herself. In her soft voice she would cast a spell on you until the thing you most wanted to do in the world turned out to be exactly what she wanted. But so you don’t get the wrong picture in your head, let me just say that her soft voice and determination were tools used for good, and usually for the good of the people she loved rather than for herself.
The other thing we called her was the Energizer Bunny. She was never rushed or in a hurry but she accomplished more in a week than most people do in a year. She developed a strategy of what I call whittling: dividing projects up into little bits just big enough for the amount of time and/or energy she had available. I find myself using that trick a lot these days.
She was one of the most creative people I have ever known. She didn’t paint (except for the reflective polka dots she painted on the bumpers in her carport) or write (except for the many family histories she researched and developed into books) or create collages (except for the button collections she turned into an art form). But her mind was always looking at things in a different way, reimagining all the potential possibilities, and she trained me to do the same.
And boy, could she sew. Her sewing machine was always ready for action. When I was a little girl I stood by her side while she sewed dresses for me. When I got old enough, I got my own machine set up next to hers in the basement and we would spend hours there, sewing together. She would even tear out my stitches when I made a mistake. Now that’s love.
Her greatest gift was making the people in her life feel her love. I always felt like I was at the top of her list but the thing is, she made everyone feel like that. In the days before social media, she kept in touch with just about everyone she ever met. Countless birthday and anniversary cards and hand-written notes. Oh, how she would have loved Facebook!
The one thing she couldn’t steamroll over was cancer. Don’t get me wrong – she tried. She did everything in her power to beat it because, as she said, “I haven’t done everything I wanted to do.” At the very end, when she had lost the energy to speak or even keep her eyes open, that Energizer Bunny gathered enough strength to tell me she loved me. Talk about inspiration. If I could muster up half the grace and courage she showed during that time I would be very proud of myself. She lost the fight 14 years ago today.
This painting “Lena” is from my mom’s high school graduation picture. It doesn’t look exactly like her because I’m hopeless at painting portraits but it captures something of her. When I look at it I get the warm feeling that thinking of her always brings and that’s good enough for me.
Note to self: never forget the source of your inspiration or the lessons that love taught you.